Monday, November 3, 2008

Atmosphere 5 - Mo More Lullabies

Mood: VERY depressed
Sound Waves: On The Arrow by AFI

Going (An Euology)

Two days ago, it was my 18th birthday.

I believe there are all sorts of customs on one's 18th birthday but what I think is the most important event of all--is becoming an adult.
It's not a blessing, or an obligation. Its shedding into an new kind of skin but still being yourself. That is why I believe I should be right here to relief myself about this one person who helped me become who I am today.

From the beginning of my childhood, I was taught through actions and kind words that in order to obtain happiness, you create your own happiness. Not just some artificial joy or materialistic illusion that might comfort for only a little while. It is a happiness simple enough to make a person content for a lifetime.

My beloved grandfather, my Lolo Tettet, has taught me this and so much more.

The one year when I found out that he wasn't my true Lolo, it didn't exactly come as a shock. Already I knew that even if he wasn't my blood, this one man let me in nevertheless. He let me gently hold his hand with my fearful one when I was growing up. Even up to this day, he led me through a shining future, one he'd be happy to see me in, whatever I planned to do.

He promised to protect me and let me bloom into the adult lady he always wrote about in his annual greeting cards to me.

He never forgot about me even after all these years. Sometimes I get pangs of regret, about realizing that I didn't contribute a lot of my kindness to my Lolo in return. I feel that I couldn't forgive myself. Even now. But whatever feelings of regret that I have, I then turn to these thoughts:

As long as I can remember, my Lolo taught me the smallest things and then quickly let them grow. He showed me how to approach life with open arms. To laugh wholeheartedly at my fears. And to always reach my goals, no matter how hard the challenge may be. He never got angry--he was a peaceful boat amongst the rocky waves of Life's ocean.

My Lolo was a man that always had a bright smile lit on his face. Whenever I saw him, whenever he or I visited, there it was, present on his lips, a joyful smile so free, wise, strong-willed.
That smile will always be imprinted in my memory, never to be forgotten.

He wished for me to touch the limitless sky, as if forever was just the beginning of something even better. Eternally, his sweet memory will always linger and flourish in my childish heart.

I may be an adult now--but forever I will always be Lolo Tettet's young, spirited granddaughter.


Thank you, Lolo. Thank you for letting me into your life. My dearly beloved Lolo, I love and till we meet again.

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