Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Atmosphere 4 - Dancing Without

Mood: Heartache
Sound Waves: Half-Pain by Bana


I found his silver linked bracelet
Underneath my bed the other day.
It was still glistening with the faint
Shimmer of that time when he first lent it to me.
I decide to wear it today and try to remember
How it still fitted onto this thick
Wrist of tea-colored skin.
I think it was because I knew
There was something wrong when I
Came back from that sunny Californian place.
Only to come home two days later,
To hear the rainbow bridge I thought would last
Turn into a dark nimbus cloud of something
I denied was desolation.
It's his loss, not mine;
But I clearly feel guilty of myself for believing,
"It wasn't going to happen."
I stand alone, now still dreaming of what was and
Now meant affliction on this fragile
Still-born organ in my chest.
I look at others and tell myself,
"I now don't belong there; my golden road is gone.
Because I'm not happy with myself."
But I'm typically punching mirrors
--I'm not ready to accept the prize of "not negotiable."
The dream that was, now has dried
Up in my inanimate soul but is
Crawling in the daisy scattered dirt to obtain
An artificial resurrection.
I want to kill it.
But at the same time, I dream foolishly for
This silver linked bracelet to magically
Warp me back to the tunnel of lost emotions.
To him again.

I'm not so sure if I should give it back
or keep it tenderly beside this filthy, egoistic heart.

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